Around the time I moved into my own place, I had passed by an article online about how getting a divorce can alter all the relationships around you - some friendships will disappear, others will grow stronger; overall, things just change.
I didn't let that worry me too much. Life is going to unfold as it would and often the cause of suffering is holding on to things for too long that aren't meant to be held on to. This was something I read in a book years ago that stuck with me. Stop holding on, let go. The emotions, the turmoil, the hurt - all of that is just temporary.
I've been in my own place over a month now and I can sense the shift. There are some people who were in my inner circle who haven't checked in with me at all. It's like divorce is a disease that they can catch if they associate with me.
On the flip side, there are some people who were on the fringes of my life who surprised me, who came out of the woodwork and are now an integral part of my life. People I can't imagine not being around, people I lean on and grown to absolutely love in a very short amount of time.
The relationships with my family are even different. With my parents, we have spoken a lot more. I've been more honest about my life and feelings that I've ever been with them. The past couple of weeks we've talked less but I think that's because they are realizing that I am okay; I'm over a month into this new life and I've been steadily making headway.
The people I keep the closest and appreciate the most understand that I am going to have my times of feeling overwhelmed. I don't think it matters if the separation from a partner is mutual or one-sided; it's still a lot of work to sort through the emotional and physical baggage. I'm going to have my moments of planning all these social events and then cancelling all of them because manic phases only last for so long until one is simply worn out. In all honestly, the past couple of weeks I've been on the go so much and I haven't been sleeping well. My fever blister on my lip is back and that's always been my sign to slow down, sleep more, stress less, and do exactly whatever it is I want to do at that time.
Now is the time for me to indulge in my hobbies. Now is the time where I shouldn't have to explain to anyone why I do or don't want to do something. Now is the time where I shouldn't have to be accountable to anyone but myself. To remember that no, I'm not the same girl who was married in 2014, I'm actually a better version.
