Okay, moving on to the serious stuffs.
A few posts ago, I talked about two cycles I grew up with and how I conquered one of them, but the other is a work in progress.
What I didn't truly realize was that while I admitted those challenges, another one was hiding right under my nose the entire time. Another cycle that I didn't grow up with, but one that developed about 5 years ago.
It's so true what the pastor of my church said yesterday - let me share it with you, in likely NOT his exact words:
several small wise decisions x multiple days = an amazing life
and
several small unwise decisions x multiple days = a miserable life
That really hit home for me because I was still engaging in a certain behavioral habit that I had kicked about a month before my husband and I split. But it came back up when I moved into my own place. So, I was moving forward in many ways except for one.
I think of how my life got to this point and man, isn't hindsight a huge joke. I can clearly remember each and every small, unwise decision I made that lead me to where I'm sitting right now. I made excuses, I allowed the behaviors and habits of another disturb my rhythm. I rationalized it. I validated it. I profited from it.
Sure, my life is pretty amazing in so many ways, but I had also felt ashamed, too. I wasn't who my parents raised me to be. I didn't feel I was living honestly. I felt like I had a double life and once I started admitting to people how things rolled into one giant snowball that broke apart into pieces...I actually felt free. And I started with my parents; probably the hardest people to admit my poor decisions to.
The most reassuring thing to really know is that it's never too late to stop the nonsense. So, I made the decision, again, to, and this time it's going to stick. The poor decisions I made are no longer a part of who I am; I left them behind in 2016 along with other things that weren't working.
And it seems like for so many, 2016 was a rough year that left people ragged and tired. Don't blame the year. Don't really blame anything - just own your actions and decisions and #DoBetter.
