November's Thankfulness

We tend to think more about what we are thankful and grateful for around the holiday season. That being said, I would like to share something I am thankful for, and really go into detail as to why.

I could easily just say that I am thankful for my family and leave it at that, but I'd really like to talk about why I especially am at this point in my life.

I had to "come out" to my parents this year. I chose Mother's Day not because of the significance of the day itself, but because it was eating me up inside to be in a relationship I wasn't being honest about. I basically just blurted it out and hoped for the best.

As my marriage ended, I had revealed things to my parents that I was ashamed of. Yet, they still loved me, despite being upset about decisions I made and allowing things to happen that shouldn't have. So to not be able to tell my parents that I was in a relationship with a woman was creating a lot of anxiety to me, as I didn't want to live a "secret life" any longer. I want to keep my life real and authentic.

When I told them, they did not yell. They did not cry. They did not condemn. If you know my they have very strong beliefs that are tied to the Bible and, without desiring to go into details or spark a debate, they do not condone a homosexual lifestyle. My parents are wonderful because despite their beliefs, they do what every parent should do - fiercely love their child anyway, even when they do not understand.

They welcomed my partner; they even met her children for the first time recently. They were kind. We are invited to Thanksgiving dinner with the entire family; my partner was invited, by name. I just got off the phone with my mother, who was asking me what the kids would like for Christmas. What? Is this my life right now?

I mean, if you had asked me years ago how my parents would handle the news of me being gay, I'd have told you I'd never tell them because I would be afraid of the lectures and the distance it'd cause between us. But the fact that no matter how much I feel like I may disappoint them at times with my actions or decisions with my life, they still love. They don't pretend my partner doesn't exist; they don't ignore her when she's around. They include. They love. I wish that scenario for everyone.

It's for that I am grateful.



 

A Reason to Keep Looking Forward

I turned 34 over the weekend! I enjoy birthdays; I don't fear getting older. But maybe it was something about this entire year and the fact that I am starting a new year of life without some things ...it just kind of hit me. I still experience grief over the loss of FeeBee this past February. It hits me whenever it does, without rhyme or reason.  

Then, later that weekend, I got to experience what I felt was blatant rudeness and unkindness in a social situation I could not control nor affect. It is weird for me to feel disliked before I'm even known. I mean, at least give me the chance to disappoint and upset you, first, before you pretend I don't exist. I at least deserve that. 

But you know what was a bright, shining, and very random light?

This little Batman right here. When we were sitting, having dinner as a family on Monday night, talking about how he'd have "fun" homework just like his big sister in a couple of years...he came out with this:

"Will you help me with it?" 

Yes, I will be helping you with your homework in a couple of years.  I hope to be blessed to be able to do that for as long as you are in school.

Suddenly, the list of people who are upset with me or outright dislike me, gossip about me, think of me as less than them really don't matter. I had only one social interaction at the gathering mentioned above that hurt me; everyone else was kind, pleasant, wonderful and embracing. I may struggle sometimes to find the good in myself, but I have the admiration of a 5 year old who wants me to help him do his homework in the future.