Because this year is all about cleaning house! I've been working very diligently on cleaning up my home life, my career life, my mental state.
I want to get real for a minute ~ because I am hot, hot, hot right now. Fuming, actually...because a big - HUGE - trend this year is "biting the hand that feeds."
Let me explain.
When it comes to my divorce, my ex still has not closed on the refinance of our marital residence, which should've been completed by 6/30. I have been nothing but patient, kind - allowing him to reside there, getting whatever documentation he has needed in order to take the mortgage loan, which is solely in my name, so the house can be his. I accepted a lump sum payment to be due upon the closing.
The lump sum isn't even half of what the equity is in the home but honestly? I don't want to fight over nickles and dimes. I didn't want to be one of "those" people that I've dealt with so many times in my job. I didn't want to fight! But, I want what's fair - my credit, my financial records - that is what got us that home. My two jobs to have a down payment. My income to support us when things were tight.
At any time, I could have assumed ownership of this house but I honestly wanted him to retain it for the purpose of the dogs we had together. They are big dogs and they don't deserve to be cramped in an apartment. Not only that, the big garage on the property is super helpful for my ex's construction business. I wanted him to have those things so he could continue on with his life.
I don't know why I care or why I have been so nice - I could've been the bitch I was painted to be. But when we began going through the first steps of our separation, I told myself I wanted to behave in a way that I could sleep well at night. I wanted to behave in a way that when I meet my Maker someday that I am not ashamed of my actions in this situation. So, I have. But today...oh boy, today? I am fuming mad, mostly at myself for thinking that we could work together as a team to resolve things fairly. For caring about his and the dogs' needs. For being patient and waiting. For being understanding.
Biting the hand that feeds. I swear, I should have no fingers left.
I even got this when I exited ILKB. I have not talked about this publicly. I left because my life outside needed more attention that my job. I wasn't feeling like I was in a good place mentally; I wanted to have a life and the ability to focus more on it to take care of the myriad of things that have been added to my plate. I was grieving the loss of some pretty large things in my life, all while being super excited about the possibilities in all of it.
Everything was fine when I gave my notice, and I was honest about my situation and what I needed for me. I was not allowed to finish my shifts. I was abruptly cut off and nothing was done to even acknowledge my time there. I, who welcomed the very first people to walk through the doors when ILKB opened, was not really appreciated for a single thing. Oh, while I worked there, I was fluffed up. I was told that I was loved - how awesome I was, how amazing. I won Franchise Manager of the Year in 2016.
The staff that I hand-picked, hired and believed in? Most of them ditched me completely; my assistant manager blocked me on social media, after profusely telling me she'd always be there for me, that she loved me, was super sad I was leaving...but understood I had to do it for me. The new assistant manager deleted me off of social media. I did nothing, to my knowledge, to these girls and in return, rumors were spread about me. I was accused of not training, not doing my job, stealing. I was hounded about different records that the new management had in their possession even 4 weeks after I was into my new job. I was gossipped about, and that really hurt, especially in a time of my life where there seemed to be so much adversarity and difficulty.
These were people I spent a great deal of time with; people that I cared about. People that cried to me, that I cried to back. We knew a great deal about each other's personal lives because we were all, what I thought, friends. However ~ knowing all the things I was going through, I was judged and talked about, kicked out of the members' group and not welcomed back to even take classes. If you were one of the many that asked me why I haven't been back to take classes, this is why! I can finally say it because who cares. Why should I care who knows about what happened anymore? I don't owe anyone anything.
I sacrificed my time, my body, my emotions...hell, my ex would even say my entire marriage (which isn't entirely true)...for that career. I got a lot out of it though. I got great leadership and marketing experience. I got to meet some fabulous, amazing people. I got to meet and fall in love with my partner. I got a clearer perspective on what I want out of my life and what mistakes to hopefully not make again in the future. For all of that, I will never regret a single second of it. But I still can be mad as heck and still nurse some hurt over all the things 2017 has brought to me so far that's negative.
So, today, I am feeling the only finger I have left from all the chewing is my middle one.
