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Part of my life has come full circle. As I close on my first week at my new/old profession, I have to take some time to reflect on some things.
It was a surreal feeling, walking up the giant cement steps I remember being poured in years ago, unlocking the front door with my key, and walking in onto the blue carpet I also remember being installed. The place was quiet, but one of my co-workers who started after me over a decade ago was upstairs early, as she always had been. She came down to say hello once she heard me rustling around and greeted me with a hug. It was weird because it it felt like I hadn't left at all, but it also feels like a lifetime has gone by. The scene and the players have not changed, but I have.
As she had always done before, this co-worker helped me rearrange my work space. I'm one of those annoying people that has to change up the layout of a room semi-frequently and when I enter a new space, I have to make it mine. She knows this so she was ready to help out.
The one of my bosses came in, the wife part of the team I work for. She also greeted me with a hug; I guess the feeling I am trying to relay is one of mutual happiness, gratefulness and completeness. If you had asked me 3, 4 months ago if I saw myself back in an office - much less a law office - I would have laughed at you. But it felt like the right choice to make and my first day there really confirmed that. I was surprised at what I remembered and how easily I am falling back into the tempo of the law office life.
Not only that, I am kind of shocked at how easy my job is. I come in at the same time every day. I leave at the same time every day. I don't bring work home. I have the entire evening to myself to do whatever I want; cooking, crafts, hanging out with friends, hanging out by myself, shopping, household nonsense...nothing feels super rushed.
I work pretty independently and without a lot of scrutiny. Even on my first day back after 2 years; no real instruction or re-introduction was given. I just simply got down to business as if I was only gone a weekend.
My inbox will always stay full and while I am certain there are going to be times of stress to get this or that done...I don't know. The work day is still only 8 hours and it is what it is. Perspective.
I was never asked, in my 12 years there before, to stay late more than twice. I was never denied a day off when I needed it.
I can communicate better; being a manager forced me to up my game in that respect. The more open the lines of communication, the better.
Not being a manager means that ultimately someone else gets to call the shots. Right now, where I'm at in my life, this is honestly a relief. If you have been reading my blogs, you can tell that I have had some major changes going on in my life and I had to concede that I wasn't able to hold up my end of the bargain anymore. I was getting overwhelmed. It's really tough to say that - I like to think I am unstoppable - but despite my best efforts, I wasn't able to do it anymore; I didn't want to focus my energy on that aspect of my life any longer. That was a difficult thing to admit to myself but if I can't be honest with myself, who can I be honest with?
So, even though tomorrow is Friday and the work week is not yet over, I've really enjoyed my first week back. The attorneys are even purchasing me a brand new desk and chair, which is a freakin' awesome surprise! Overall, I feel like I was and am appreciated, and I can enjoy my outside life more and keep the work-related stuff at work.
When I left there, I left feeling a bit inconsequential. It was very much like a break-up; sometimes it takes leaving for people to realize what they had (and this definitely goes both ways). There are a lot of employers who only see their staff as dollar signs - they aren't interested in you if you aren't making them the big bucks. In that instance, all one can do is take what was learned and apply all the lessons from that into something healthier and more genuine. But the attorneys were never like that.
I feel well-equipped to handle the direction that my life is carrying me in, even if the path feels a bit weird and hysterical at times. I'm just going to roll with it because God apparently has a huge sense of humor and I'd rather laugh with Him.
