I Dare.

I'm going to do something super uncomfortable.

I'm going to admit something that a lot of people don't really admit when it's happening...but my husband and I are separating.   

I almost feel like I shouldn't be announcing it to the world - because it's not really the world's business.  But the whole purpose of this blog is to share, to connect, to talk about the things that are going on.  Not to just pretend life is all hunky-dory 24/7.  

Okay, life is generally hunky-dory.  But that includes the ugly, hurtful things.  Life can be amazing and still have the rough stuff.

And rough stuff it is.  

The "put your game face on and deal with it" aspect is rough.  There are things that still have to be done, no matter how I'm feeling.  Buying a car, securing an apartment, dealing with questions about why I'm the one leaving the house, buying new things for said apartment because no, I'm not the type to leave someone with nothing (that's not nice), packing, CHRISTMAS, a full time job, furbabies...

While yeah, some moments I want to just lay on the floor and sob (and I have, it is what it is), life must go on.  And it can either go on positively or I can dwell on all the shoulda-coulda-wouldas and drown in them eventually.

I have my good moments and bad moments.  And those happen within moments.  

Today was rough.  I was (and still sort of am) unsure about a departure date from my home.  It's frustrating to not have a closure with that, but it's getting sorted.  But, I put on press-on nails today and felt better.  I made myself a giant bowl of popcorn for dinner and I felt better.  I looked at a different, but super amazing apartment and felt better.  I have the love and support of my family and friends (and that includes all my peeps at my job), and I felt better.  

But I went through our wedding cards and was upset.  Hugged a teddy bear I got on Valentine's Day and was upset.  Watched him walk out of our house, headed to a hotel for the night, was upset.  Thought about never seeing Berkley and Dave again, got upset.  Because this is all relatively amicable doesn't mean we are ever going to be friends.  But I keep saying to myself - a lot of suffering is caused by holding on...let go.  God has it in control.  And I truly believe He does.

And I'm alive.  I'm unapologetically alive.  I'm going through a rough time and I'm not going to be sorry for it or sorry for myself.  I am grieving but I know life is going to be happy for us both.  I'm going to be kind to myself about the process of it all.  When I'm sad, I will be sad.  When I'm joyous, I will dance.  When I am tired, I will do my best and nap!  Because holy cow.  The wide array of emotions that has been passing through this house the past few weeks has us both exhausted and looking forward to this change, despite how large of one it is.  Both of us need space and time to heal, sleep, and move on.

Start Each Day with a Grateful Heart!

I dislike the days where I wake up and am cranky for no reason whatsoever.

(No, I'm not having a day like this today ~ but I did have a couple of them recently.)

On days like this, I can't seem to get out of my own way.  I gripe; I sulk; I'm resentful.  I am exactly the kind of person I avoid like the plague.  And then the guilt piles on...because I'm so darned blessed in so many ways - how DARE I feel otherwise?  How DARE I not be overflowing with gratitude at every single second of every single day?

Because I am human.  That's why. 

Let's face it...life can be super challenging!  It can get anyone down at times. It can feel like defeat before my feet have even hit the bedroom carpet.

Pep talk time! Because ain't nobody got time for pity parties.

...even if you have to force it, initially.  Check off all the good things in your life; surround yourself with good people and watch the day get better!

My life is amazing and wonderful.  It's full of amazing and wonderful people - including me.  I may not be everyone's cup of tea but that's why tea comes in so many flavors - so we can find the ones we like and enjoy them. :)

I live a very full and busy life doing exactly what I love. That's not even just my career, but in my personal life, too.

I choose what to fill my life with.

I choose the people I want around me and I choose who to give my energy to.  I choose "my tribe."

I choose to focus on the good in people.  

I choose to pass on the things and behaviors of others that don't enrich me.   

I choose to try and be a good example.

And then there's the reassurance that I'm okay.  You're okay.  We're all okay.  Chill.

Even on the days where I don't feel like I'm accomplishing anything, I'm still a person of value.  I'm still loved, needed, and noticed.  And you are, too.  Knowing these things on those stressed out, no-win kind of days is so encouraging!

Part of being "unapologetically alive" is not being sorry about who you are and what you bring to the table.  It's about being secure in your spirit and being okay with those who aren't on the same wavelength.  It's about owning your mistakes and not letting them stop you - instead, learning from them.  It's about taking that bad day and forcing it to be a better one, even if the success is small.  It's about choosing to seek gratefulness through the storm.