All about that HUSTLE!

Obviously, the opinions expressed in my blog are just that - opinions. Some you may agree with, some you may not. It's all good!

What I want to talk about today may ruffle some feathers and may come as a surprise to you. I wanna talk about the culture that surrounds your HUSTLE!

Chances are that you have a Facebook or an Instagram account and have seen meme after inspirational meme regarding your work hustle. It is often seen next to memes about coffee and being tired all the time.

Because they go hand-in-hand, right? You are not hustling hard enough unless you're spending 20 hours a day working, 6 hours daily in the gym, and 6 hours every Sunday meal prepping and posting about it on social media.

What a crock of shit, honestly. Where is there any room for enjoyment in your life if you're putting so much pressure on yourself to accomplish, to be, to succeed? When are you sleeping? Getting enough rest is such an overlooked basic necessity to be successful, less stressed, more focused. Adding extra cups of coffee or energy drinks won't get you there.

There are going to be periods of your life where you are working harder. Maybe you've started a new business. Maybe you just started college. Maybe you're planning a wedding. But these things aren't permanent and maybe you should ask yourself if you are doing a good job with the most important task of your life - taking care of yourself.

Taking care of yourself encompasses so much. It's fueling your body properly with healthy foods, adequate hydration, and exercise. It's making time to sit and be quiet in order to give your brain a rest. It's about laughing with your family and friends. It's about doing what you need to do to make your soul happy, too. Happy people tend to accomplish more and be more successful.

So don't give into the hype without checking your hustle -is it productive? (Is it getting you a clear result?) Are you kind to yourself when you have a set back? ARE YOU SLEEPING ENOUGH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD?! Are you genuinely happy or are you constantly stressed out?

Don't be offended by this - as I stated above, it's my take on this shift in culture related to what is defined as our now-acceptable work hustle. Chances are though, if this has struck a nerve with you, you may want to think about why.

Unapologetically Alive...and wondering why kids are eating Tide Pods on purpose.

Everyone's talking about it.

There are silly memes everywhere about it.

Yes.  I'm talking about the Tide Pod Challenge.  It's pretty sad that I've heard of this fad because I don't tend to watch or read the news and although I scroll through my Facebook feed occasionally, I gravitate more toward the lighter side of it. It's kind of my 2018 thing - focusing on the things that lighten the mood and make my soul feel good instead of getting upset about the dramatic and bad.

I'm not sure what else I can really say about this ridiculous challenge that hasn't been said...I mean, my reaction is generally:

I'm not understanding why people are choosing to focus their energy on this. They're teens, I get it. Didn't we all do stupid shit at that age? If I had a teenager at home I'd say: It's dangerous, idiotic and does absolutely nothing to better the world. I mean, it's not even humorous ~ it isn't a comedy show gone wrong where one can derive some sort of enjoyment out of it and we can hope next time the comic hits the mark. It's literally just watching foolish people make themselves sick.

Why not participate in some sort of challenge that will benefit others and yourself? Something that will help you be a better person; something that inspires others to be better people?

Why not get involved in a charity challenge? Who can raise the most money for the charity of their choice!

Why not a fitness challenge? (I am loving these all over my social media feeds! Keep up the amazing work!)

A community service challenge?

A kindness challenge where you focus your energy on encouraging others in their healthy endeavors? (Seriously, it doesn't kill anyone to throw a few nice words at someone for their efforts in trying to lead a healthier lifestyle or hit a GPA goal in college. We could all use some more cheerleaders in our corner.)

A white teeth challenge? (This is one I'm doing for myself, actually! LOL! 2018 is also the year of better self-care for me, including my chompers.)

I'm just throwing off-the-cuff ideas out there but seriously. Why would someone choose to participate in a so-called challenge that has absolutely zero benefit?  At least the ice bucket/ALS challenge that was super popular a few years ago brought some sort of awareness to the disease, as silly as that was. I had never heard of ALS until that challenge and it was reported that the ALS Association reported mega donations from it.

I'm not about to get political, but "Make America Great Again" starts with us, as individuals, and our decisions. What are we going to focus on and put our energy towards? What are we going to inspire others to do?

Fortunately fortunate.

One thing I've learned about being in a relationship that comes with children is that time flies and little things that one once enjoyed (like blogging) tends to fall by the wayside because there's simply not enough time in the day to do it all anymore.

It's about prioritizing and getting enough sleep, ya know?! Especially since I'm still rocking the caffeine-free life. I enjoy my sleep. I enjoy my awake time. I enjoy it all.

So, one thing I've kept semi-quiet about is the fact I've been low-key house hunting since last July... but I didn't really take it too seriously until recently. I have looked at a bunch of houses between July and this weekend and nothing just worked out the way it should've.

One offer for a home in Round Lake wasn't accepted. I low-balled hard because the home needed a lot of work and, well, I don't shy away necessarily from hard work. But for $20k more, I could have a home that was in better shape overall.

Another home in Round Lake was bought right out from under my feet, basically right as I was viewing it for the first time with my realtor.

Another in Ballston Spa recently fell through because the inspection failed miserably and, while I don't mind some hard work, I want a house that's safe and sound and that one was not.  It was so pretty! But from what the inspector said - it was essentially a polished turd.

I am not worried if my future home's style is dated; I will update it as I go. My first house didn't quite reflect me; my ex-husband was all about the resale of it, not necessarily about it's representation of our personal style. So I am really looking forward to setting down roots and creating a beautiful home space.

It's a lot different house shopping with a good school district, good neighborhood, and enough house space and yard space in mind for two kidlets. I feel like the first time around, house hunting was easy. It was two child-free adults who prefer a country lifestyle over a city one. Now it's two adults (at least she and I have similar taste and style!) and two kids - there are a lot of factors to consider. It's about compromise and what's best for us all.

I just feel so fortunate to be where I'm at. Some people come out of a divorce financially and/or mentally ruined and I am fortunate that didn't happen. I have been able to take my time with things and not rush. I've been in a good position. As messy as life got in the earlier part of last year, me making a choice to leave a job and go back to one with steady hours and less flash and bang really gave me the ability to see clearly and take care of my sh*t. I don't know if I would've been able to do all this otherwise.

But...I may have found the perfect place this weekend :) So cross your fingers for me and my little family.

November's Thankfulness

We tend to think more about what we are thankful and grateful for around the holiday season. That being said, I would like to share something I am thankful for, and really go into detail as to why.

I could easily just say that I am thankful for my family and leave it at that, but I'd really like to talk about why I especially am at this point in my life.

I had to "come out" to my parents this year. I chose Mother's Day not because of the significance of the day itself, but because it was eating me up inside to be in a relationship I wasn't being honest about. I basically just blurted it out and hoped for the best.

As my marriage ended, I had revealed things to my parents that I was ashamed of. Yet, they still loved me, despite being upset about decisions I made and allowing things to happen that shouldn't have. So to not be able to tell my parents that I was in a relationship with a woman was creating a lot of anxiety to me, as I didn't want to live a "secret life" any longer. I want to keep my life real and authentic.

When I told them, they did not yell. They did not cry. They did not condemn. If you know my they have very strong beliefs that are tied to the Bible and, without desiring to go into details or spark a debate, they do not condone a homosexual lifestyle. My parents are wonderful because despite their beliefs, they do what every parent should do - fiercely love their child anyway, even when they do not understand.

They welcomed my partner; they even met her children for the first time recently. They were kind. We are invited to Thanksgiving dinner with the entire family; my partner was invited, by name. I just got off the phone with my mother, who was asking me what the kids would like for Christmas. What? Is this my life right now?

I mean, if you had asked me years ago how my parents would handle the news of me being gay, I'd have told you I'd never tell them because I would be afraid of the lectures and the distance it'd cause between us. But the fact that no matter how much I feel like I may disappoint them at times with my actions or decisions with my life, they still love. They don't pretend my partner doesn't exist; they don't ignore her when she's around. They include. They love. I wish that scenario for everyone.

It's for that I am grateful.



 

A Reason to Keep Looking Forward

I turned 34 over the weekend! I enjoy birthdays; I don't fear getting older. But maybe it was something about this entire year and the fact that I am starting a new year of life without some things ...it just kind of hit me. I still experience grief over the loss of FeeBee this past February. It hits me whenever it does, without rhyme or reason.  

Then, later that weekend, I got to experience what I felt was blatant rudeness and unkindness in a social situation I could not control nor affect. It is weird for me to feel disliked before I'm even known. I mean, at least give me the chance to disappoint and upset you, first, before you pretend I don't exist. I at least deserve that. 

But you know what was a bright, shining, and very random light?

This little Batman right here. When we were sitting, having dinner as a family on Monday night, talking about how he'd have "fun" homework just like his big sister in a couple of years...he came out with this:

"Will you help me with it?" 

Yes, I will be helping you with your homework in a couple of years.  I hope to be blessed to be able to do that for as long as you are in school.

Suddenly, the list of people who are upset with me or outright dislike me, gossip about me, think of me as less than them really don't matter. I had only one social interaction at the gathering mentioned above that hurt me; everyone else was kind, pleasant, wonderful and embracing. I may struggle sometimes to find the good in myself, but I have the admiration of a 5 year old who wants me to help him do his homework in the future.

This is real life.

As of October 16th, I'm officially divorced. The Judgment was signed and filed in the County Clerk's Office, making it a legit thing.

I was waiting for this day. Basically, this was me all year:

Not because my marriage was horrible, terrible, the worst thing ever in this world ~ there are people who's lives are legit on the line when they are exiting a relationship. It was simply because I think the faster things are finalized, the faster people can move on and find their own road to take. I've always been someone who likes procedure and closure.

I wondered though how I'd feel actually seeing the paperwork in front of me. The truth is when I saw the papers, I felt two things: (1) nothing at all, which lead me to feeling a little surprised. It was as if the names on the papers were ones I did not recognize; it represented a life that was not mine or meant to be mine. (2) A flash of anger. I had a brief moment of where I remembered some hurtful things that had been said to me. It was like a ghost walked through and then left. I mean, seriously? Why carry around the negative parts of our former marriage? I'd rather remember the fun things ~ I'd rather remember the things I've learned.

This quote I found struck me because the last part applies to me. This year brought a lot of change and turmoil; I learned the hard way who my true friends are and who truly cares for me. I experienced extreme loss (I still miss FeeBee every single day). I changed careers back to what it was, pre-ilovekickboxing, and found great satisfaction and peace with it and how it gave, and still gives, me the ability to focus more on me and my life. I started a business that I find fulfilling and challenging. I found love for myself and true love in and for an amazing woman who is my absolute best friend. Today marks 7 months we have been together as a couple.

2017 is the year I stumbled a lot but I fell into my stride and the path I believe that I am meant to take.

SO SAPPY RIGHT?!  It is what it is. Life isn't perfect but I still feel very, very blessed.

So...when am I going to work out? (Another child-free to child-ed post)

I'm just going to dive right on into this one.

When I was a fitness instructor, I was very upfront about not understanding the theory behind moms not having the time to workout. It was honestly an excuse that I had a tough time coaching people through because I firmly believe that we all deserve our own time. Mother, father, aunt, uncle, successful businessperson.  Whoever you are - you deserve the best health that you can have.

Don't think I'm going to tell you ~ "THEY ARE SO RIGHT AND I WAS SO WRONG".  It's not going to be that type of blog. So, if you were excited to yell "I TOLD YOU SO!", simmah down there. Simmah down.

I will admit the adjustment to the new routine was challenging and took time for me to come up with. I haven't exactly had the least busy summer in the world.

The realization hit me about how precious time not spent at work is and how limited it really is when kiddos are in bed at 8 p.m. and you actually want to know what they did in school that day. When you want to sit down and eat dinner with them and make them laugh.  When I work until 5, that gives me 3 hours when I am spending time with them to...spend time with them! Do family stuff. Be shown a new stuffed animal; read a book.

However, I know that I am a better person when I have that time to exercise rigorously ~ I am more patient, more focused. Less irritable and more playful. My favorite time to exercise - where I feel my strongest -  is actually right after work. That's the busiest time at my gym, as well, because I am, apparently, not the only person who feels that way.  Now, if I went to the gym every day after work, I wouldn't be done until at least 6 p.m. It was also frustrating to have to wait to use equipment; sometimes I'd just leave without doing certain exercises I was really looking forward to doing because someone would be hogging the squat rack for the better of an hour.

I am also not a person to get up and work out at 6 a.m.  I value my time snuggling in bed with my loved one; I also value staying up later in the evening with her after the kidlets are asleep. So, no, I won't be waking up at 5 a.m. like some of you heroes out there do!  God bless you; you da real MVP.

So, after struggling much of the summer with a sporadic workout routine and schedule, I decided that I'd go to the gym during my lunch time, if I wasn't going to kickbox either at home or attend a class one evening. This means that I have to get to work at 8 a.m. instead of 8:30, so I can take an entire hour lunch break as opposed to our standard half hour.  But note, I can't do this every single day. Sometimes appointments are structured in a way where I can't take an entire hour without it being a strain. But there's no reason why once or twice a week it can't happen.

What I've found is this:  THERE IS HARDLY ANYONE THERE AT LUNCH TIME. Which means...I can legit get what I want to get done in 30 minutes instead of an hour. I hustle; I don't break. I super-set EVERYTHING so I can hit all the opposing muscle groups and keep the party going. I also have plenty of time to stretch, which is super important because I sit at a desk much of the work day. Then, I go back to work, clean up, get re-dressed in my office attire, eat my lunch, and go about my day as normal.

It's awesome. And I feel strong and focused for the rest of the day.

So, to end this blog...we all have 24 hours in a day to get life done. I am sacrificing my lunch hour sometimes to workout, instead of eating at my desk and surfing the web.  Why? Because it works for me. Because I deserve that time. Because I want to be my best self for me, #1, and for those I love around me. Because a family isn't an excuse to not care about myself; I care about myself for my family. I have been carving out that time for me steadily over the past couple of weeks and it has taken me from wondering if I should go back on antidepressants to feeling mentally healthy again. Now that I'm back from vacation, I'm looking forward to getting back to it.  #NoExcuses